If you have been diagnosed with a personality disorder, or are just someone who feels things very strongly, then it can be easy to feel stuck in an emotion.
Here are 3 common reasons it can be hard to manage your strong reactions:
- Biology
Did you know that some people are simply born with a special sensitivity to their emotions? These individuals often respond to events in a more intense way than others.
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2. Reinforcement
If you get a good outcome from expressing your emotions strongly, then you are much more likely to get stuck in this cycle. For example, if people gave me what I wanted when I got really angry, then I would be angry all the time!
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3. Beliefs about emotions
When we have a clear mind, most people would deny holding any extreme views about emotions. But when we are deep in the issue, it can be easy to tell ourselves things like ‘painful emotions are useless!’
So how is knowing these 3 points helpful? Well, understanding what trips you up can make it easier to change how you respond.
Here are just 3 tips for how to get started:
- If biology plays a role in how you experience the world, then there is no need to give yourself a hard time when you feel things strongly. Maybe that’s just how you were made.
- Do you only get a good outcome when you express yourself in an extreme way? If so, how does this impact on you and your relationships? If this is something you haven’t considered before, I’d encourage you to take notice next time you find yourself in a situation that feels like it is escalating.
- Take time to reflect on what you tell yourself about your reactions. Are your overvaluing or undervaluing your emotions? Just because you’ve always told yourself something doesn’t mean you have to keep buying into it.
Sources: DBT skills training manual (2nd edition)
Author: Sophie Parham, Clinical Psychologist