Most of us have a long list of “shoulds” in our mental to do list…. I should exercise more, I should eat more healthily, I should have that difficult conversation, I should study… Just thinking about all those shoulds is so overwhelming that sometimes we react to shoulds by doing nothing at all… or putting it off until tomorrow, or we have more energy or the elusive until we feel like doing it!
Our mind uses “should” (or must or have to) to get us to take action in a valued direction. However for most people this has the opposite impact. Telling yourself I should go to the yoga makes us feel guilty for not going but is not particularly motivating.
Compare this with choosing to. I am choosing to go to yoga – even though you still might not feel like going, choosing feels much more empowering, and is motivated by values rather than guilt.
Mentally notice your “shoulds” and try replacing with choosing. This simple technique makes it so much easier to put goals into action.
Shannon Yeardley is a Clinical Psychologist and Clinic Director of Brisbane Wellbeing Psychologists www.brisbanewellbeing.com.au